Can I Lose with You?
The Culture Question Every Coach Needs to Ask
When most coaches recruit, their first questions are predictable:
“Can you score?”
“Can you win?”
But Virginia head coach Tony Bennett asked something different: “Can I lose with you?”
That question captures the heart of culture. Wins are fleeting. Losses are inevitable. The real test of a team is whether it can survive the storm together.
Losing as a Truth Serum
Bennett often says:
“Losing is a truth serum. That’s when you really learn about people. If we can lose together and still survive — to me, that’s the foundational piece.”
Anyone can win together. Victory masks fractures, silences doubts, and papers over conflict. But defeat? Defeat is revealing. It strips away pretense. It exposes character. It asks players and coaches alike: Who are we, really?
The Lowest Valley
Bennett knows this truth firsthand.
In 2018, Virginia entered March Madness as the tournament’s No. 1 overall seed. Then history happened. They lost — by 20 points — to UMBC, a 16-seed. The first ever 1 vs. 16 upset in NCAA men’s basketball history.
Final score: 74–54. Humiliating. Unthinkable. A headline that will live forever.
For many programs, that kind of loss is program-ending. Coaches get fired. Players transfer. Culture fractures.
Choosing a Different Response
But Bennett didn’t deflect blame. He didn’t scapegoat.
Instead, he reframed the loss:
“That loss bought us a ticket... a painful ticket. But one that took us where we couldn’t have gone otherwise.”
He kept his staff intact. He trusted his players. He doubled down on his culture.
Redemption Through Resilience
Just one year later, the Cavaliers cut down the nets.
2019: National Champions
Same coach. Same core of players. Same belief in something bigger than the scoreboard.
Virginia went from the biggest embarrassment in March Madness history to the ultimate prize.
The Lesson for Coaches
Tony Bennett’s story proves the point:
- You can lose with the right people.
- You can grow through adversity.
- You can win the right way.
Losing wasn’t the end. It became the foundation.
A Question for You
Coaches, ask yourself:
- Can I lose with this group?
- Will we survive the storm together?
- Is our culture built on more than the scoreboard?
If your answer is yes, you’re building something that lasts.
Because the real culture test isn’t how your team handles victory. It’s how you respond when the bottom falls out.
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